Stop reading for a moment, and think back to the first few weeks after you met your spouse or love partner.

Actually try to visualize an early date where you were cuckoo for CoCo Puffs about this amazing person. And they felt the same about you.

Remember how it felt falling in love, how happily distracted you were, how you couldn’t wait to see her — how everything he said was interesting and funny.

Remember how you felt the two of you were special? Meant for each other. Destined to be together.

And now . . . not so much.

Now you’ve been together for a while — maybe years. And the bloom is off the rose. What was once endearing or funny now gets under your skin like a bad rash. The differences you found so appealing now divide you like a knife. It’s past time to rekindle your relationship.

Frustration, resentments, hurt feelings, and unmet needs are always simmering just below the surface. One wrong word, one sideways glance, one exasperated sigh is all it will take to cause the lid to blow. And blow it has — many times. Too many times to count.

Bickering is a daily sport and full-blown fights dot the landscape of your marriage like bleeding soldiers on a battlefield. Whether your particular fighting style is a head-spinning screaming match or a silent treatment freeze-out, both of you are exhausted, hurting, and so tired of living this way.

Decide if you really want to stay

Before you begin working the relationship, be very, very honest with yourself.

Do you really want this marriage to work?

Are you invested in it enough that you’re willing to make some changes?

Do you truly want to have a happy, healthy, intimate connection with this particular person?

If the answer is no, and you’ve been with this person a long time, go to counseling anyway to be absolutely sure it’s not just your anger clouding your judgment. Get professional support to help you navigate this huge decision whether to end the marriage or not.

However, if the answer is yes, and you know with certainty you want the relationship to work, then read on.

Respect the individual

You are an individual unique person with your own beliefs, feelings, desires, and habits. Your spouse also is that same unique individual. Everyone has the innate right to be who they are and to feel free with their most intimate partner to express their true selves.

Just because you’ve come together as a couple doesn’t mean you should expect your partner to be someone else, meet all of your needs, or view the world in the exact same way you do. You are two distinct people, two adults, who fell in love and chose to live their lives together.

Your expectations and treatment of each other should reflect this truth. Once you accept and respect the other person for who they are, then you can find a way to work through differences thoughtfully and kindly. When you love Mike (fill in your spouse’s name) simply because he is Mike, then you are offering unconditional love and acknowledgment of his authentic self.

You love and accept him just the way he is.

This is the foundation from which you can handle the differences between you and the difficulties life throws in your path.

Practice emotional intimacy

The foundation of emotional intimacy is trust. You trust your spouse to have your back, accept you as you are, treat you with dignity, and love you unconditionally.

You lose that trust when your partner puts you down, betrays you in some way, tries to control you, or becomes disengaged from the relationship.Real intimacy is impossible without this trust, and emotional intimacy is what keeps marriages thriving.

You express emotional intimacy in a variety of ways.

• You have it when you can be vulnerable in front of your partner, and you accept your partner’s vulnerabilities.

• You have it when you share physical affection and non-sexual touching.

• You have it when you share meaningful experiences, laughter, and fun times together.

• You have it when you can talk with each other about your day, your opinions, your feelings — and know your partner is really listening.

Emotional intimacy is also expressed in sexual intimacy with eye contact, spoken words, and open communication about how to please one another.

Even when you disagree, you can practice this intimacy through humor, touching, and kindness.

Citation: “How To Rekindle Your Relationship.” Live Bold and Bloom. N.p., 04 Apr. 2014. Web. 24 May 2016.