One of the most difficult things for many of us to do is admit that we made a mistake and to apologize. Although it only takes a few seconds to say the words, “I’m sorry,” or “I made a mistake,” we are often reluctant to do so.

It could be pride or ego that makes us feel that if we say we’re sorry for something we’re showing weakness. However, just the opposite is true. It takes a very strong person to admit that they were wrong or that they made a mistake. Proper etiquette doesn’t require perfection. It’s more about the refinement of your character. An apology shows good character.

That said, you still might have a difficult time letting the other person know that you feel bad about your actions or what you said. Just remember that once you’ve apologized, and the other person has accepted it, you can move on and stop worrying about whatever it was. It’s cleansing and the right thing to do.

Best Time to Apologize

There are times when you might have known right away that you said or did something wrong.

When this happens, immediately stop, apologize, and change course. Avoid digging yourself deeper by groveling or trying to justify anything. Sometimes there is no valid reason for our words or actions.

Apology Process

• Admit to yourself that you were wrong. This is often the hardest step in the process, so work on that before you move on. If you said something incorrect, think about what you should have said or left unsaid. If you did something wrong, you probably knew right away.
• Admit your mistake to the other person. Once you know what you should have done or said, you can tell the person that you were wrong and wish you could have a do-over. Then state what should have happened.
• Say you are sorry. In a matter-of-fact way, apologize with a simple, “I’m sorry. I won’t do it again,” and mean it.
• Don’t make excuses. If you have an excuse for your actions or words, your apology will come across as insincere. Trying to do this shows that you still don’t feel that you were in the wrong.
• Smooth over the situation with kind words. If your mistake was to say something mean or hurtful, let the other person know that you didn’t mean it the way it came out. Then offer some kind words of encouragement to show that you value their friendship.
• Replace broken or stolen items. If you are apologizing for something you broke or took from someone, replace it immediately with the exact same thing. If you can’t find one, the value should be at least as high as the original item.
• Don’t push or expect too much too soon. It may take some time for the other person to forgive and trust you again. This is normal. Give them the time they need and ask them to call you when they are ready to talk about it.
• It’s been a long time. Even if your apology is long overdue, you can still call or write a letter to the person and say you’re sorry. Maybe enough time will have passed that you can forget your hard feelings and move on. If not, perhaps you can try again. If the person still doesn’t want to accept your apology use it as a painful lesson for the future.

Citation: “Tips for a Proper Apology.” About.com Style. N.p., n.d. Web. 12 July 2016.