Why do women care so much about what other people think? Why is this quality so often associated more prominently with women (as opposed to men)? It’s definitely true that criticism is painful for both men and women as praise feels good for both. But we perceive (and accurately so) that women feel the effects more dramatically than men.

Here are a few reasons why:

1. Women are relationship oriented. When people don’t like what women are up to, it can feel like disharmony or a break in their relationships, which they  deeply value.
2. Women pick up more information about what others think. A host of studies show that women are more adept at reading facial expressions and body language than men. This means that women are getting more information than men, all the time, about how people are reacting to them.
3. Approval from others has been women’s lifeline. For most of history, women couldn’t protect themselves through legal, political, or financial means. They didn’t have those options. They could ensure their survival only by adapting to what was desired and approved of by those with greater power. The legacy of that history is still alive in them and can make criticism or challenging the status quo feel like particularly high stakes.
4. Women are—often rightly—afraid of personal attacks. Research shows that when women get negative feedback, it tends to be more personal than the feedback men get. It can also be more angry and even violent or vulgar, especially in their internet age.
5. Women have years of good girl conditioning—messages to not rock the boat and to be likable. This makes doing something that won’t be approved of feel more transgressive.
6. Lastly, women culture’s focus on appearances (beauty, weight, etc.) sends girls and women the message that how others perceive us matters a great deal. Think about how many films, movies, or television shows you’ve watched in which the female character’s destiny was determined not by what she did, but by how she was perceived. That sends women a major message, which women often absorb unconsciously, that what other people think about women is more important than their lived experience or our choices.